The Ugly Duckling Feeling

This post is part of the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge hosted by WEGO Health. I will be writing a post a day for all 30 days. You can learn more about it here:http://info.wegohealth.com/HAWMC2012.

Today’s topic:

Ekphrasis Post: Go to flickr.com/explore and write a post inspired by the image. Can you link it to your health focus? Don’t forget to post the image!

This is the randomly generated image that appeared when I typed in the url. (The owner has disabled downloading of her photos, and I want to respect her rights, so you will need to click through to see the picture.)

One of the common stories I grew up with was the story of the “Ugly Duckling” by Hans Christian Anderson. If you didn’t, here’s a quick recap: The “ugly duckling” is actually a cygnet/swanling, but the ducklings don’t know that so they make fun of him for being so ugly. In the end, the “ugly duckling” actually grows up to be a beautiful swan. He doesn’t know this and still thinks that he is ugly. Until the beautiful swans accept him, and he finally sees his own reflection in the water, when he finally realizes that he is a beautiful swan.*

In the picture, the swan seems to be looking at his own reflection in the water. Of course, I can’t read bird expressions, so I have no idea whether or not the swan likes what he sees. I do know that I don’t like what I see in the mirror. Meds can cause weight gain, and symptoms of joint stiffness, pain, fatigue make extensive exercise hard. This means being overweight is something I continually struggle with. To add to this, issues such as feeling like I am less than a fully contributing member of society (or at least not the way I always wanted to be), being chronically single, and often being unable to go out with my friends constantly erode my mental picture of myself. In the end, I feel ugly on the outside with the weight gain, and I feel ugly on the inside because I don’t feel like I have the social life and societal status that I wish I did. Trying to come to terms with these facets of my illnesses is something I struggle with daily. They chip away at my sense of self-worth, and I often feel like the “ugly duckling” when I compare myself to other people. Whether or not those people are actually judging me the way the ducklings judged the “ugly duckling” is open to speculation, and is therefore perhaps a discussion better reserved for a separate post. Regardless, I feel like they judge me that way, and that is what affects me.

The sad thing is, when I look at other people, I look for traits like kindness, compassion, and loyalty. I don’t see them as overweight or underweight or judge them for what they can or cannot do. Yet, I do judge myself for these things superficial things – and I judge harshly. When the “ugly duckling” meets the swans, they accept him into their fold. Just like the chronic disease community accepted me into theirs. Perhaps the rest of society would be willing to do the same, but I’m too scared to find out when the world generally judges the chronically ill so cruelly.

On a rational level, I realize that what I look like isn’t the only thing that’s important about me. I know that there are plenty of things about me that could probably be considered swan-worthy. On a rational level, I can recognize that I’m one of the swans. The problem is that the “ugly duckling” feeling is impenetrable to that common sense. Even though I know that I’m one of the swans, I also still feel like the “ugly duckling.” I can’t seem to reconcile the two, and so the “ugly duckling” feeling keeps feeding the self esteem battering going on in my mind. When I look in the mirror, my head knows that it should be seeing a swan, but instead it sees an ugly duckilng.

Was the “ugly duckling” really even ugly? Of course not, but the other ducklings kept telling him he was. The real tragedy is that he came to believe that he was. Of course, the “ugly duckling” didn’t stay ugly. He became beautiful, he just didn’t know that. Most people seem to think the moral of the story is about him becoming beautiful in the end, even if he was ugly in life. Maybe that’s what Anderson was thinking when he wrote it. I have no idea. In my opinion, that moral misses the point. I think the real ending of the story is when he actually believes that he’s beautiful. After all, who decided that swans are beautiful and ducks aren’t, right? The “ugly duckling” figured it out the first time he saw his reflection in the water. It’s taking me a few more glances at my reflection, I guess.

The point is that at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if people think you’re an ugly duck or a beautiful swan. What matters is that you believe you’re a beautiful swan, and I hope that someday I’ll be able to believe that too.

*NOTE: There are different versions of the story, some more harsh than others. Also, there is all kind of speculation about the meanings behind the story in terms of definitions of worth and hidden meanings about his true father, etc, etc. For the sake of this post, I am taking the story at face value, and seeing it in the way that I saw it as a child. The recap is written accordingly. 

I Write About My Health, Because …

This post is part of the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge hosted by WEGO Health. I will be writing a post a day for all 30 days. You can learn more about it here:http://info.wegohealth.com/HAWMC2012.

Today’s topic:

I write about my health because … Reflect on why you write about your health for 15-20 minutes without stopping.

A few months ago, I gave my blog link to one of my “in real life” friends. It is something that I do somewhat hesitantly, because sometimes I’m not as comfortable being as open and honest as I am on the blog with people I actually know. So I only give out the blog url when I feel like I can trust that person enough not to judge me and not to let revelations here come between us for any reason. Some of her comments were interesting to me. She wanted to know why I would want to first of all air such private thoughts for the world to read. Um, hello, (relatively) anonymous? She also couldn’t figure out why it would be helpful since I keep telling her that these diseases are experienced differently by everyone. Even the same symptoms can feel very different, and pain scales are totally subjective based on the patient’s opinions and experiences.

I didn’t even know where to start. I guess on some level, if I’m going to be completely honest, I write with the somewhat egotistical hope that someone might be interested in what I’ve got to say. More importantly, though, I write because I want to help the people who get on the internet looking for help. Sure, some of my posts might just be going off into cyberspace somewhere and not getting read by anyone. (Of course, WordPress tells me how many people read each entry on a given day, and now it even tells me which countries my blog was viewed from. That country bit is amazing, I love that my words have meaning to people all over the world.)

Truly though, the most validating experience for me is when I get emails from people telling me how much my blog was helpful. I love those emails, because they remind me that I’m NOT writing to the empty void of the internet, but to real people who are finding some use in my words. When I get emails from newly diagnosed people who needed to read about someone else’s experiences or find ways to explain to the people around them, I have supported and educated them, and I consider my writing to be worth it. When I get emails from caregivers who tell me that they think they understand what their loved one is going through a little better now, I have educated them and helped both their lives and those of their loved ones, and that means my writing had some use. When someone in the chronic disease community tells me that my post helped them see an issue from a different perspective or gave them ideas for how to explain to people or what to write about on their own blogs, I feel like I made a difference in the community. These messages tell me that what I wrote had a purpose. These sorts of emails, tweets, and comments and the knowledge that I was helpful are exactly why I write. Maybe each experience isn’t always relevant, but I try to draw a theme from them. Something that can translate into relevancy for different people. At the end of the day, if even one person finds a post useful, then writing that post was completely worth it.

Superpower: Teleportation

This post is part of the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge hosted by WEGO Health. I will be writing a post a day for all 30 days. You can learn more about it here:http://info.wegohealth.com/HAWMC2012.

 

Today’s topic:

Superpower Day: If you had a superpower – what would it be? How would you use it?

 

Today’s prompt is about super powers. If I could pick any superpower what would it be? Hmm… well is curing all illnesses a superpower? No? Ok, well, then, maybe flying so I could visit all my friends who live far away? I think that would be an amazing power. I wonder if flying would be as exhausting as walking and driving could be … and some people are so far away … teleporting then. That would be perfect.

One of the things that I have found with the twitterverse is that it’s endlessly frustrating to be so far away from people. The support groups in my area are mainly middle aged women. There’s nothing wrong with that, and I know some of my twitter friends fall into that category, but somehow I just don’t connect with a group like that. We’re in different stages of life and illness. So I rely on my twitter friends, but they are oh so far away! I have friends everywhere from Australia to the UK to the Philippines to Canada and countries in South America and Africa. Which is amazing. Truly it is. I just wish i could meet them sometimes.

An internet “hug” can be very comforting, but there are times when I’d prefer to give a real one. Or, if the pain levels are too high for hugs, I’d love to be able to veg on the sofa with a friend and watch movies. Even if we are both doing that in our respective homes, it just isn’t the same. Moreover, there are times when I know my friends need me, and I have no way of getting there. That kills me.

I am beyond grateful for my twitter friends. I can’t imagine living without their love and support. I just hate that we’re all so spread out across the world. Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing that technology lets us connect in real time – and includes things like Skype – gone is the age of long-distance pen pals. At least, in theory. Sometimes the reality feels like we might as well be writing letters for all the chance we have of ever meeting.

Now, all this being said, I would like issue a disclaimer that I love my twitter friends and wouldn’t trade them for the world. Not being able to meet doesn’t detract from the friendship. I just wish that I could pop in and see them whenever I could, that’s all.

 

Quotation Inspiration: Maya Angelou

This post is part of the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge hosted by WEGO Health. I will be writing a post a day for all 30 days. You can learn more about it here:http://info.wegohealth.com/HAWMC2012.

Today’s topic:

Quotation Inspiration: Find a quote that inspires you (either positively or negatively) and free write about it for 15 minutes.

*Note: Free Write means I didn’t go back to revise/review/edit this post. It’s posted here exactly the way it flowed out of my fingers. I apologize for any typos, etc that it may contain.

 

 

“I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.” Maya Angelou

Rising above my illness is something that I really struggle with. It’s easy to fall into the despair that comes with the loss of your life plans and the loss of your good health. It’s easy to feel like you don’t have anything you can do about it. To feel like you’re less of a person or less of a valuable member of society.

It has certainly changed me. Not just physically, but also in the way that I see the world around me. It changed how I perceive pain, how I deal with other people who are ill, and what I can do to help them. It absolutely changed my day to day existence not only in terms of what I can do but in terms of all the extra stuff that gets thrown into my day like multiple med times. Not to mention that it changed my entire life plan by forcing me to choose a different career path altogether.

It’s also changed how I interact with my friends. It’s interesting to see who disappears, but it’s also painful. On the flip side, it’s wonderful to see who sticks around – and who cares enough to ask. To be honest, I think the friends that I’m most grateful for are the ones that are able to joke around with me about my illness. They do it in a way that doesn’t belittle me, but reminds me that they are my friends for better or for worse. Those friends are the rarest, but the most worth having in my opinion. If I’m being really honest though, sometimes it’s me that doesn’t reach out. Sometimes I just can’t bear to talk to people because I feel like all I have to talk about is my illness, and I hate that. I let my experiences with my illness overpower my ability to be a part of the friendship and I let them overpower the rest of my existence and what I could be sharing with my friends. Instead of rising above my illness, I allow it to rule over me.

At the end of the day, I really have to force myself to remember that I am not my illness. My illness may be a part of me and a part of my life now, but it doesn’t have to be its defining factor. This sounds like such an easy concept in theory, but when you’re actually battling the pain and fatigue and dealing with the med times and doctors’ appointments, I find that it’s actually very easy to forget my determination and I end up completely overwhelmed and frustrated.

Today’s assignment for the WEGO Health Activist Month challenge was to find a quote and free write about it. I’m not entirely sure whether I’ve done that or gone completely off topic since free writing means I’m supposed to just keep going without going back to revise, review, or edit. Let me just finish by saying that this is the kind of quote I’ll have to keep repeating to myself, because its infinite wisdom can still be overshadowed by the dreary details of daily existence with a chronic illness. Still, I think it’s important to remind myself of this all the time. I don’t want to let the disease overshadow who I am.

Health Time Capsule

This post is part of the Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge hosted by WEGO Health. I will be writing a post a day for all 30 days. You can learn more about it here: http://info.wegohealth.com/HAWMC2012.

Today’s topic:

Health Time Capsule – Pretend you’re making a time capsule of you & your health focus that won’t be opened until 2112. What’s in it? What would people think of when they found it?

If I were making a time capsule about my life with chronic illness, here are the things I would definitely include:

1. A big refillable med case, because putting in all the pill bottles sitting in my drawer would be a little nuts.
2. Snacks – just in case the evil Sir Prednisone hasn’t been annihilated yet. Let’s face it, you can’t be on prednisone and survive without some snacks. (I can’t promise they’d still be edible after 100 years though…) but I can only hope that we wouldn’t need Sir Prednisone anymore. If I were truly optimistic, I’d hope that our diseases would be long gone by then, of course.
3. Heated blanket or snuggie. Plus wool socks. I’m always freezing.
4. Sunscreen, hat, sunglasses. I don’t go anywhere at all without those.
5. Heating pad for the muscle ache. Can’t live without this one.
6. Some movies and TV shows on DVD – lovely when stuck in bed.
7. Epsom salts to soak out the stiffness and swelling in my joints.
8. A phone for twitter. How could I live without my twitter friends??
9. If they would be willing, I’d love to include little testimonial notes from all my twitter friends. My experience alone wouldn’t be able to give anyone an accurate & complete picture of what it’s really like to live with a chronic illness.
10. Copies of my blog posts. (Ok, so I’d like to flatter myself that they’d still be relevant and maybe even useful to someone.) I think these would hopefully explain a lot more about why I included a lot of these items. Including them without explanation wouldn’t be helpful, but I’m not sure that I could explain any better than I already have.

 

EDIT: My friends have informed me that there is not enough of ME in here, only my illness. So here are 5 more things that I would add to my time capsule that represent me.

1. A kindle – reading is probably my biggest hobby. I couldn’t live without books. Illness or no. Taking away my books would be like taking away my ability to breathe.
2. iPod – with different music for every mood. Music helps me through some moods and helps me get into others. I usually have some sort of music playing in the background.
3. Potted flowers, because I love plants and nature, but can’t really be outside. Flowers are cheery, but cut flowers make me sad so I think I put in potted flowers. (Yes, I realize they wouldn’t survive in there for 100 years, but …)
4. Pretty shoes, jewelry, lipstick, and fashion mags. Being sick doesn’t mean i cant enjoy prettying myself up.
5. Passport and various restaurant menus – I love to travel and see different parts of the world, and I love to eat different cuisines. Hmm.. I wonder if any of those restaurants would still be there when the capsule was opened..?

WEGO Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge

Hey everyone – I just wanted to tell you about a new activity I’ll be doing this April. The Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge hosted by WEGO Health. I will be writing a post a day for all 30 days. I hope you’ll join me in writing every day about health. It’s going to be a lot of fun and I’d love to see what you have to say about each of the topics, too. All you have to do to join is sign up here:http://info.wegohealth.com/HAWMC2012 and you’ll be able to start posting once April rolls around. Looking forward to writing with you!

Ok, so this starts today. I got a little delayed posting this … but you can still do this along with me! Plus you get 2 passes, so you can always miss the first day or two if you didn’t hear about it in time due to my neglect. Apologies.

Work Series: Job Hunting

For the last year and a half I was part of the masses looking for a job. This is a frustrating, demeaning process at its best. I constantly felt like I was never good for any companies for any positions anywhere. In fact, this whole process had me so depressed that I actually couldn’t bear to write this post until now – 2 weeks into a new job. Of course, this whole process is only complicated by the whole chronic disease thing. I don’t qualify for disability, which makes life harder because I have no legal ground to stand on. I have to work because otherwise I don’t get health insurance, and that just doesn’t work with a chronic illness.

 

There are a lot of things that have to be considered that you might not consider quite as carefully otherwise:

 

1. Hours

You have to figure out for yourself whether you want FT/PT. How many hours can you work? Do you do better with standard hours 9-5, etc or do you prefer a more flexible sort of position.

 

2. Physical Demands

What will your position require for you to do? Can you sit for long hours? Stand? Walk? Can you handle a lot of typing? Lifting? Also pay attention to things like exposure to things like the flu/colds/infections – especially if you’re immunocompromised.

 

3. Mental Demands

Brain fog, brain fog, brain fog. Did I mention brain fog? How well can you focus for long periods of time? Can you keep track of things that need to get done, or do you easily get confused with complicated tasks?

 

4. Office Culture

One of the things that’s really hard for me, in general, is the concept of sharing my health conditions with other people. While I’m fully in favor of educating people, I’m also a private person by nature and don’t always want everyone I know to have the details of my health. This goes one step further in the workplace where it feels like it really shouldn’t be part of the work-life culture. I don’t want my illness to be part of my relationship with my boss and co-workers – or at least as little as possible. This can be difficult – or even impossible depending on the work environment. It is definitely something that you want to think about as you look for jobs.

 

5. Flexibility

In addition to #1 and #2 above, you want to think about flexibility in terms of things like working from home. Can you work from home if you’re not feeling up to going into work? Can you work late one day to make up for leaving early another day?

 

6. Benefits

For me, benefits were one of the key reasons I needed a job. If you can get benefits from a family member/spouse/etc then this may not be quite as pressing for you. Pay attention to how many hours you need to work to qualify for benefits – and also look at vacation and sick days. (Be sure to check whether you can use your vacation days as sick days if you run out of sick days.)

 

I’m sure that this list of workplace challenges will probably grow as I spend more time in the workplace, but these are the things that I was thinking about when I was applying for jobs… The job hunting process itself isn’t all sunshine and rainbows either. Even setting aside the constant rejections, it’s a lot of time spent staring at a computer or typing. I really had to set a certain number of applications I wanted to get done each day/week/month otherwise it was easy to just not do them. It’s an exhausting process, and it took me a year and half. I’m grateful to have found a job, I know how hard it is out there and if you are looking I wish you all the best!

painkillers can’t relieve the pain of painkiller stigma

Painkillers have been all over the news lately. It seems like report after report talks about deaths from overdose, how many teens abuse them, or how they’re over-prescribed. What those articles seem to gloss over (if they bother to acknowledge it at all) is how many people actually do need those painkillers. People are different. People feel pain differently. After all – when doctors us to rate our pain on a scale from 1 to 10, your 10 could be a 2 on my scale. Or it could be a 20 – far beyond my comprehension. Does needing a medication make us inherently drug-seeking fiends? I think not.

People don’t like to acknowledge the ill. It’s like it goes against nature, and society wants nothing to do with it. Evolutionarily, we’re weak – and only the fittest survive right? But does that really mean that we’re to blame for our illnesses? No, but it does mean that we have to battle with insurance companies to make them believe we need and deserve the coverage we require. We must battle with government agencies for disability coverage – which means that we then have to battle with the people who think that coverage like that supports lazy people who refuse to do a decent day’s work. Suddenly, it becomes a big political issue and the suffering people who sparked it are forgotten by the side of the road.

The idea that ALL ill people who request painkillers are drug-seeking addicts is preposterous. Unfortunately, worries about malpractice suits or ruined professional reputations mean that many doctors are too scared to prescribe painkillers. Which means that suddenly we are even battling with our doctors for the care that we need. I have friends who have been told by their doctors that although the doctors recognize that the patient needs the painkillers, they are unwilling to prescribe them. Doesn’t this sort of defeat the purpose of the entire medical industry?

All of this often leads to issues of people being unwilling to admit that they take them at all. And, so, I must admit that I have also been needing painkillers lately. By lately I mean since last Spring, and I must admit that a blog post about that change has been half-finished since then. I’m somewhat ashamed to admit that even knowing that the stigma is wrong, I still fell prey to its force. Who wants to be judged by friends, family and doctors alike? Who wants to see pity on their faces? Be told that they’re weak? I sure as hell don’t know anyone like that.

People see us as weak. As if by taking the pills, we have given up. We aren’t fighting for what we want. To that I can only say that if you are a person who can survive such excruciating pain 24hours a day without needing pain killers, then all the more power to you. Unfortunately, my body doesn’t work that way. Other people say that we rely to much on medication and not enough on natural methods. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I can say that I meditate, I do yoga, weight training and aerobic exercise. My mother performs reiki and massage for me. It’s just not always enough.

Painkillers are about more than pain. They’re about quality of life. I can’t say that I take the med every single day – or even every single week, but I can say that it makes a tremendous difference when I do take it. Some days, it just isn’t possible to manage without the help, unless I aim to spend my life whimpering in a ball on my bed. Believe me, I don’t. If the only way to prevent that, and to keep some purpose and direction in my life is to take a painkiller sometimes, then I’m ok. Because here’s the rub: it’s not like we want to take the painkillers. It’s not like we say “Oh, hey, let me go talk my doctor into prescribing a painkiller for me. that sounds fun!” We discuss our pain with a doctor because we were miserable and unable to live our lives due to the excruciating pain. Nobody wants to live like that, and so far this is the only way that society has found to help us.

Of course, the one pain the painkillers can’t relieve is the pain caused as a result of the stigma they carry.

Exercise: Rain or Shine

This post was included in Chronic Babe Blog Carnival #42: The Winter Wellness and Fitness Edition.

People with lupus and fibro are always hearing how important exercise is to manage our pain and keep flares in check. Ok, ok, we get it. Exercise is important. Perhaps doctors don’t get how hard it actually is to get that exercise in though. Actually getting a regular workout is incredibly hard when you’re always exhausted and in constant pain. It takes an awful lot of willpower to get past those two major concerns. It’s something that I’ve really been working on over the last year and a half. Having lupus means that there is a limited amount of time that can be spent in the sun. this is unfortunate as a lot of exercise promotion efforts focus on the idea that it canbe fun to go have fun running around outside. Nevertheless, I have found a few (indoor) activities that seem to work for me – maybe other people will find them helpful too.

1. Yoga

This is probably one of the most important things that I do. It is incredibly helpful with relaxing and stretching my joints. It also seems to do wonders for my stiff and cramped muscles. I definitely notice a huge difference when I miss yoga too often. I try to do yoga 2-3x/week. If you don’t have access to a yoga studio, I know people who do yoga at home from exercise DVDs (I think Netflix also has some on instant watch) or even just do some basic stretching.

2. Gentle Walk/Jog on an Elliptical Machine

I find that walking on a treadmill or outside can cause a lot of knee and hip stiffness the next day, probably due to the impact of my feet hitting the ground/treadmill. However, an elliptical machine eliminates this issue for me. Gentle aerobic exercise 4-5x/week really helps to relieve my muscle stiffness and reduce fatigue levels. ( I do sometimes go for a walk around the lake in the summer with my family – equipped with a hat and lots of sunscreen, of course!)

Swimming would be even more ideal, but unfortunately my gynecologist doesn’t let me swim because I’m prone to yeast infections with my immunosuppressants. If you are able to swim though, it’s  the best of the low-impact aerobic exercises. Some of my friends go for walks with spouses/partners/significant others or walk their dogs regularly.

3. Personal Trainer

I have been very lucky to find reasonable, flexible personal trainers who have experience, training and schooling working with physical therapy and recovery. This has been very helpful in helping me to gently build up muscles around my joints, which helps me to take pressure off of them. We have also been working on strengthening my lower back muscles which is important when I spend so much time sitting and/or sitting up in bed. It helps that my trainers have been very understanding about my illness and its limitations. They get that I sometimes have to cancel last minute. At this point, they can also predict that some days won’t work for me based on the weather that day. They are also very understanding about my limited budget – and don’t push me to buy too many sessions. In fact, we split the 2 sessions/month into 4 30min sessions which is more than enough at one time.

If this isn’t a feasible option for you, you might want to see if your insurance will cover some physical therapy. A physical therapist should be able to put together some strengthening exercises for you to do.

In talking to my friends with varying chronic diseases, it seems that different people have found different levels and ways of doing these things. Not being able to go outside may be a restriction for people with a lot of illnesses, but for people with lupus it’s all the same. Except, of course, that the cold aggravates stiffness and pain for many of us. Trying to keep up with these exercises really helps me to balance out the effects of the cold weather. Rain in the summer hurts us as much as the shine of the sun too. Basically, we need the exercise – regardless of the weather (most of which hurts us anyway).

New Years Resolution for 2012: stay on top of my med and supplements supply.

This post was included in Chronic Babe blog carnival #41: your new year’s resolutions.

I’m not a huge fan of resolutions. I think most of them get left by the wayside by the time February rolls around. However, I do have one big one for this year: trying to keep track of which meds and supplements I’ve run out of. Or, rather, keeping track of which ones are running out and making sure I can restock them before they do.

In addition to the list of prescription medications that my rheumatologist prescribes for me, the holistic MD that I see has me on a very long list of supplements. I basically keep track of them by keeping a list of what I need to put in my med case for each med time.

My insurance makes me fill my prescriptions in three month intervals through a mail order service. This means that it takes a good week to receive my meds from the time that I request a refill. Longer if I’ve run out of refills and they have to call my doctor’s office. To get my supplements, I have to go to a store that’s almost a 40min drive away. That’s a long way away for me, an exhausting drive that I have to plan for.

What I have failed to keep track of is when I run out of these meds and supplements. I keep thinking that I’ll deal with it later. Or that I’ll go to the store when I’ve run out of a number of them so I can pick them all up at once. Yesterday, I realized that I’m out of more than 75% of my supplements. Can you say ‘oops’?

What I really need to do is pay attention when the bottle is heading towards empty and get myself to the store/order a refill from the mail order. So that is my goal for this year: to keep track of my meds so that there aren’t any days where I miss my prescription meds because I ran out and haven’t gotten my refill yet – and that there isn’t more than a week that I’m out of any given supplement.