Breathing Underwater

This post is part of a Patients For A Moment blog carnival that Leslie is hosting. This month’s PFAM blog carnival topic is “What do you do when you can’t keep up?”

 

Keeping my head above water? Almost impossible right now, but it’s gotten a little better. In order to explain why, I need to do a quick (and very, very long overdue) life update: I have been working full time for about a year and a half now. In September, I started a part-time MBA as well, in an attempt to figure out a new career direction. I’m taking 8 credits at a time. This means that in addition to 8 hours a day at work, I have class Mondays and Thursdays from 6.20-8.20 and on Saturdays from 8-11.30. Oh and I have homework. Lots and lots of homework.

 

I spiraled into a flare right before classes started. I think this was mainly due to too many weeks of the constant chaos involved in summer weddings, weekend trips to visit friends in other towns, and hosting family who came to visit us. Well, all that mixed with the ridiculously hot summer weather we had this year. Then my parents were out of town the first couple weeks of school which meant that I was left to do a lot more of the driving, plus all the cooking, cleaning, and laundry chores that my mom and I usually split. It was nuts. The first few weeks of school were miserable. My counts were really off, and I didn’t think to mention the new school thing to my rheumatologist when she called to check in on me. She was really displeased about that, because she said she would have liked to put me on low-dose prednisone for a few weeks to get me through the flare. On the plus side, she does seem to think that I can manage this MBA from a medical standpoint now that I’m through the flare, so that’s reassuring to say the least. I probably should have discussed adding part-time school with her first… whoops?

 

Part of the problem I’m having is that going to class at all these times limits my exercise regimen. I don’t get to the gym enough to get my cardio in anymore. Also, the yoga classes that I’ve been going to for years are Monday/Thursday evenings and Saturday mornings, so I can’t go to any of them. This is seriously problematic. Not enough exercise means that my pain levels spike. Without the cardio, my muscles cramp up more. The lack of yoga is not doing my joints any kind of favors. Oh and my stress levels don’t get managed properly, which is never good for my health. Especially since I have even more stress now. I’ve been trying to compensate by doing yoga at home. This is helping my joints, but it doesn’t seem to have the same beneficial effect on my stress levels that an instructor-led class does.

 

Unfortunately, the exercise can’t be cut any more than it already is…. And I really can’t afford to get any less sleep than I’m getting which is already slightly less than the ideal minimum. This means that, unfortunately, my social life gets cut because it’s the one thing that can go. It isn’t great for my mental health, but there isn’t much else that I can cut. I’ve stopped watching most of the shows that I used to watch, which has helped. I’ve also barely read anything. Now, those of you who know me in real life, or via twitter, know that without my reading time I basically lose it. So this not reading is not so good. Plus, I feel completely out of touch with my twitter friends and I haven’t been posting to this blog nearly as much as I wish I were able to. This month, I’ve been trying for a better balance. I cut another TV show so that I can read more. I run 15 minutes less every run so that I can have coffee or dinner with friends once a week. Dating is out of the question right now without majorly cutting something else. Believe me, I tried. (But that’s a story for another post…)

 

It’s hard to do everything, and there isn’t really any perfect way to do it all because there just aren’t enough hours in a day. I can’t say I’m satisfied with the balance that I’ve struck. I don’t have enough time to keep up with anything, and I feel like I’ve been doing a mediocre job of everything as a result. I’ve been trying to keep my head above water by balancing everything, but it isn’t working. I think I’m going to try being content with swimming just under the surface for a while and see how that goes.

 

 

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4 Comments

Filed under blog carnivals/grand rounds, coping, introspection, rant

4 responses to “Breathing Underwater

  1. Hi Shruti, just an encouraging hug from me – I’m seriously impressed by all your exercise regimes! I never got into the habit of exercise, having been underwater for seventeen years now. I ‘dabble’… Once, I had a go at zumba and that nearly finished me off!! I was leaping about like a giraffe on hot coals – not really my scene 😉
    I write a blog too – Lupus in Flight. I’ll leave the link here so you can visit if you like… I’m in England… you?

    • Zumba is so much harder than it looks!!

      Thanks – it took a long time to get here. And honestly I don’t always manage it these days. Just remember, every little bit counts even if it’s just 2 min here and there. We can only do the best that we can.

      I’m in the USA. Definitely send me the link, please!

  2. Praying for you and standing in sympathy sister. It’s rough that you have to get approval to make normal life decisions (like going back to school), but it sounds oh so familiar. I don’t know what to tell you except that it sounds like you know what you want and what you’re capable of. That’s a great start. (Now you might need people to help you with judging whether things align with your capacity and help you navigate the complex world of illness.)

    much grace to you,
    Abigail

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